Parents how do you handle conflict in front of your kids? Do you yell, curse, scream, hit or slam doors? There’s a great chance that your child will handle conflict in the same manner. Whether you know it or not kids mirror exactly what they see at home. Conflict is not always avoidable. However, when dealt with it doesn’t have to involve volatile actions. Remember as parents we are our children’s first teacher. I remember one instance when my son was in Kindergarten he kept getting put on red, which was equivalent to having too many warnings. Eventually, the teacher scheduled a conference to inform me that my son had a habit of giving his classmates “the hand” when they were talking. Meaning if he didn’t like what was being said he would extend his hand into their face to signal for them to stop talking. As I sat and listened I could feel my face becoming flushed with embarrassment. I knew exactly where he had seen this behavior. I gave my son’s father “the hand” and interrupted his sentences when we argued. It never dawned on me that my son was paying attention. That was a wakeup call for me to be more aware of my actions. The truth is children learn positive choices just as easily as they imitate the negative things we may not want them to! Your thoughts?
Be a Supportive Listener!
We live in a society that doesn't usually take children feelings seriously until it’s too late. As adults, we get so consumed with our own issues in that we don’t think to stop and do a wellness check with our children. Negative emotions don’t discriminate by choosing certain ages, genders, or races. If a child works up the courage to communicate with you consider it an honor. This means that the child:
(1) Trust you with their feelings.
(2) Is looking for direction to find a solution.
It’s very common for our youth to turn to the streets for answers. Let’s practice not only being supportive listeners, but active listeners as well. The more we are available to listen and show interest, the greater chance our youth have at developing good communication skills. Our communities and schools don’t need any more emotional unstable youth!
It’s very common for our youth to turn to the streets for answers. Let’s practice not only being supportive listeners, but active listeners as well. The more we are available to listen and show interest, the greater chance our youth have at developing good communication skills. Our communities and schools don’t need any more emotional unstable youth!
Don’t Let Your Emotions Keep you Hostage!
Have you ever wondered why it’s easier to ignore or sink into negative emotions rather then put in the work to push through them?
I remember those days where I held on to a grudge and waited on apologies. I didn’t realize that it was beginning to cloud my decision making and affect my attitude. I don’t know about you but I hate being sad and frustrated for long periods of time. Over the years I’ve put a few perimeters in place that prompt me to become accountable with the decisions I make. If it relates to a person or a situation I ask myself: Is it or will they add value to my mind, body, or spirit? If the answer is no, I simply let it go and move on. If my negative emotions are a result to a personal loss, then I seek the appropriate help/strategies to implement on a daily or weekly basis.
You see we must put in the work to be our Best- Self! You might ask, “What does my Best- Self look like?” There’s no definitive answer. However, you will never know unless you do a better job at controlling what & who you allow into your space. If you are not in a good place mentally or emotionally don’t hang around others with the same characteristics. Instead, surround yourself with individuals who represent the positive and stable mind set you strive to embody.
What are some of the steps you take to work through your negative emotions?
Emotions Have an Expiration Date!
When I taught in the classroom I had several students who wanted to disrupt class, fight, sleep and bully others daily. It got to a point where I had to spend the first 20 minutes of the morning to hold a “No Judgement Chit-Chat Session” This allowed students who felt comfortable the time to vent about whatever they wanted or ask questions that weren’t academically related. I did this because (1) it was obvious that no one took the time to address their issues or concerns. (2) I wanted students to verbally communicate what they were feeling with ease (3) I wanted students to know that even though I was the teacher I wasn’t above reproach and was human just like them.
Holding on to anger, a grudge or other negative-energy emotions can take a toll on you physically and mentally. If you don’t take the steps to release your emotions, you may end up like the person in the picture. As adults we must take time get to the point to where we can forgive, release, reset and move forward. In return, teaching these same steps to our youth is equally important. Your thoughts?
New Book Alert!
Calling all educators, librarians, counselors, pastors, and those who love to support the community!
I am so excited about the release of my book "It's Okay, I'm Watching" as I believe that this is a much needed resource for so many who are hurting and experiencing grief and loss at mass levels within our communities and our society. When I began writing "It’s Okay, I’m Watching", it was my intent to not only write from the emotional perspective of what the child goes through after experiencing a loss, but to also capture the perspective of the parent that is left behind. Often the attention is placed on the well-being of the children, and not the adult. Depending on the age of the child, it is assumed that their feelings are short-term and they will quickly get over them. Not so!
It is my prayer that "It’s Okay, I’m Watching" will encourage open and transparent communication within families that will ultimately lead to healing of hurt and pain, in both the children and the parents. Although this book is written for ages 9-12, adults are not exempt from acknowledging and dealing with their emotions. Once you learn how to process your emotions and implement strategies to get your happiness and sanity back, emotions will no longer have power over you. Instead you will have power over your emotions. I encourage you to join me in the movement to educate and equip our youth with the appropriate tools to break the cycle of emotional bondage.
Click the “Books” tab on the main page to purchase.
From one wounded healer to another, thank you in advance for your support!